Eazy-E Company

This app is really good for my mental health.

I think the algorithm is finally cooking cause all I see in my feed is art and funny memes and real, human beings that I don’t know.

A cool, brief interaction online is today’s equivalent of hitchhiking and getting a lift and the person is cool (on top of giving you a ride, even if it’s not fully to your destination.)

The state of the world is grim as fuck. It’s been so strange to have to balance a heavy dose of joy and excruciating panic - but here I am.

Work shit has a unique way of breaking your heart and spirit. I’m back to having to watch Band of Brothers to get through the day. It helps put my problems in perspective.

I’ve kicked off this new era where I’m fully aware of what’s in front of me and I’m meeting the problems head on. I want no illusions, no castles in the sky. I’m absolutely done hoping for shit. It doesn’t mean I’m done dreaming, there’s just a time and place for that.

Survive, do your best, push as much as possible (even one centimeter), hold the line, and try again the next day. JSS.

I really am starting to believe that’s my purpose.

Quitting isn’t an option anymore. It’s not even just work. It’s rowing a lifeboat and picking up stranded survivors along the way and reminding them we are still in the fight and we need them. They matter.

Some days though, it would be nice to be able to almost drown but have someone to rescue me at the last minute. I wish I had that luxury.

Ain’t no fucking cavalry, back up, or extra ammo coming, bud. And the alternative is having no job, which is even worse. And then I clock out and close my laptop and the world is on fucking fire. Then it dawns on me that it’s a luxury to have the problems I have.

Survive, do your best, push as much as possible (even one centimeter), hold the line, and try again the next day. JSS.

I feel the strong pull of wanting to ignore reality and just hide in a far corner of my mind. There are perks to surviving traumatic events, such as the dissociation skills you pick up along the way.

But this moment calls for bravery. It calls for pulling out the will to keep going from wherever you possibly can. Kick, scream, punch, throw up, but keep fighting.

And so onwards I go. Some days I’m Aragorn, some days I’m scared shitless, but I go onwards regardless. Just survive somehow.

Richard Winters: That night, I thanked God for seeing me through that day of days and prayed I would make it through D plus 1. I also promised that if some way I could get home again, I would find a nice peaceful town and spend the rest of my life in peace.

Hail Satan.